How does divorce affect teenagers? Are you aware of the possible impact it could have? Watch Paul explain in this video the effects of divorce on teens.
I’m probably very well equipped to do this video because I also used to do divorce mediation. In fact, that’s what I did two decades ago before I began saving marriages so I have seen it. When I started saving marriages, I saw it then too and everyone thinks, not everyone obviously, but many people think, ‘Well, they’re teenagers. It’s okay. They’re passed that point and they’ll understand and a lot of their friends are coming from broken families and I’m here to tell you that teenagers are impacted as much or more than smaller children.
Do you remember what it was like when you were a teenager, male or female?
You are going through puberty or you have before gone through puberty and your life is like crazy. You don’t know whether you’re a duck or a swan. You don’t know what you are. You
don’t know what you’re doing. You’re fighting for stature in your little niche community. You’re doing the best to survive and you’re barely surviving because teenagers are brutal to each other and now you’re going to let your teenage sons and daughters know you’re
getting a divorce. Wow, think about it — think the impact.
How does it affect them like life isn’t tough enough for them?
I mean most people, the hardest part of their life for their teen years. You had this. Statistically, and these statistics are real. They’ve been keeping track in this stuff for over 40 years. Teen pregnancies — way more. Suicides — way more. Stealing things — way more. Drugs, alcohol way more. Screwed up relationships — way more. Studies — way worse. It’s hard.
Years ago, a friend of mine’s wife called me up so-and-so and I are talking about a divorce, “What do you think?” And I said, “Look, it’s going to really affect.” I mentioned her daughter’s name and she asked, “Well, how?” I gave her the raw statistics and she’s in a field where statistics mean a lot, she understands numbers and she said, “Okay I got it. We’ll be together. We’ll remain together.”
She read my book because it was that long ago that all I had were a couple of books and she used it and they’re happily married now, they’re happily married. They decided to push through their stuff for the sake of their teenage daughter and I’m telling you even if you had to live a life of misery for the next four or five years, do it. You owe it to your children. They didn’t ask to be born. You brought them into this world. You didn’t have to do that but you are obligated now to take care of them. The effect is traumatic.
There’s no way to pretend it isn’t and these people who say, “Well, it’s better than have a couple who’s fighting.” No, it’s not. I don’t know any kid who didn’t grow up in a house where their parents were screaming at each other — that was a long time ago. It’s not quite like that anymore but they stuck it out anyway but you don’t even have to just stick it out. You can learn how to be married. Marriage isn’t supposed to be torture. It’s supposed to be wonderful and you can still have it. You don’t know how to be married. Where did you learn? From your own parents, right? Stick it out, don’t give up on your marriage. Do it for your children’s sake. You’ll get good karma for sure. Worse is if you don’t stick it out you’ll get bad karma. Okay. I shouldn’t be saying that because what do I know but we do know what happens to teenagers and it is not pretty. It’s bad. The part that really affects me is the suicide rate. Over 80% of all suicides are from people who came from broken homes.
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